Sunday, October 21, 2007
No subject
Argghhh.... Exam!!!! Chemistry!!! Physics!!!! Don't understand!!! Got a lot of things to write but no time.. haih..
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Amazing Race MYF
Amazing race today was great. I had a lot of fun with my MYF friends. Though I was unsurprisingly the quietess.
First we gathered at my church for briefing. At first our driver was a lady but for some reason she didn't turn up. Luckily,we had another driver, this time a guy. Boy I'm not sure whether to consider us lucky or unfortunate because he drives like crazy. I was sitting at the front so I was so so so so scared.. ha ha..
We were last by the time we reach our first stop because one of our members was still at home so we had to pick him up first. Our first stop was at Chin Fu. There was nothing much to do there except take a picture of us all.
After that, we rushed to the Malaysia-China Friendship Park. There, we had to count how many turtles are there, take a picture of something that represents Malaysia-China ties and also count the number of hornbills there. Running across the park was a little tiring but made worse by the fact that my left foot is hurting since sports day after I sort of tore my muscle or something.
Then we were off to Kuching's "standing cemetry". Guess where's that.. It is the musuem. We ask to count the number of stairs there. Next, they gave us another task. We were supposed to take a picture of the biggest fish in the Fish Musuem. And guess what.. it is the fish hanging on the ceiling. But that is not the most kek tiok thing. The worst one was when they gave a picture of some James Brooke thing and asked us to look for it. We went everywhere to look for it. From fourth we became second last all because we couldn't find the thing. Guess what.. it is on the canon!!!!!!!!!
After that, our clue lead us to lunch where we ate at Singapore Chicken Rice near Secret Recipe. We had a mandatory break till 1100. Next stop: Crystal Bowl.
But of course before we decided the clue asks us to go there, we went to riverside superbowl. We were the first there and so happy only to find we were at the wrong place. So we finally decided to go to the right place and had some bowling. Two times I strike all except 1! haiyo only left one! Anyways it was fun.
Then our last stop was at Riverside. There is a history walk along Riverside. We were asked to find the history plaque that explains how Malaysia is formed. This was the most tiring because we had run for at so long. In our last task, we were given two more pictures. One was the cat at Padungan, the other was a scenery. The cat was quite easy but the scenery a bit hard. We had to drive all the way to the 5th floor of the Sarawak Plaza just to take that picture. Something funny happened there but I don't know how to describe it...
Well, in the end, although we arrive at the end point the 4th team, we were 2nd last because of our score. Haih.. but never mind, it was a fun time.
First we gathered at my church for briefing. At first our driver was a lady but for some reason she didn't turn up. Luckily,we had another driver, this time a guy. Boy I'm not sure whether to consider us lucky or unfortunate because he drives like crazy. I was sitting at the front so I was so so so so scared.. ha ha..
We were last by the time we reach our first stop because one of our members was still at home so we had to pick him up first. Our first stop was at Chin Fu. There was nothing much to do there except take a picture of us all.
After that, we rushed to the Malaysia-China Friendship Park. There, we had to count how many turtles are there, take a picture of something that represents Malaysia-China ties and also count the number of hornbills there. Running across the park was a little tiring but made worse by the fact that my left foot is hurting since sports day after I sort of tore my muscle or something.
Then we were off to Kuching's "standing cemetry". Guess where's that.. It is the musuem. We ask to count the number of stairs there. Next, they gave us another task. We were supposed to take a picture of the biggest fish in the Fish Musuem. And guess what.. it is the fish hanging on the ceiling. But that is not the most kek tiok thing. The worst one was when they gave a picture of some James Brooke thing and asked us to look for it. We went everywhere to look for it. From fourth we became second last all because we couldn't find the thing. Guess what.. it is on the canon!!!!!!!!!
After that, our clue lead us to lunch where we ate at Singapore Chicken Rice near Secret Recipe. We had a mandatory break till 1100. Next stop: Crystal Bowl.
But of course before we decided the clue asks us to go there, we went to riverside superbowl. We were the first there and so happy only to find we were at the wrong place. So we finally decided to go to the right place and had some bowling. Two times I strike all except 1! haiyo only left one! Anyways it was fun.
Then our last stop was at Riverside. There is a history walk along Riverside. We were asked to find the history plaque that explains how Malaysia is formed. This was the most tiring because we had run for at so long. In our last task, we were given two more pictures. One was the cat at Padungan, the other was a scenery. The cat was quite easy but the scenery a bit hard. We had to drive all the way to the 5th floor of the Sarawak Plaza just to take that picture. Something funny happened there but I don't know how to describe it...
Well, in the end, although we arrive at the end point the 4th team, we were 2nd last because of our score. Haih.. but never mind, it was a fun time.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Birthday gift
Gave a birthday present to a friend just yesterday. Her birthday is during the hols so I can only give before or after. Well, I chose before.
I don't know what her response will be. Nah, it's not flowers or chocolates or anything romantic lest she be my girlfriend but it's love, unconditional love. The Jesus love.
I spent a pleasant and tedious amount of time on the present especially on the only piece of art that I can say that I'm good at. I won't go into details lest I'm labeled "doing it for my own glory". I sure hope it'll bless her. I nearly sacrificed my add maths just to make sure it can be finished and given before the hols. Phew, that was hard work.
I know it is impossible that someone will just overnight become passionate for God. God did say what sprouts overnight can also disappear overnight. I certainly do not want that to happen to her. But I hope she won't hate me and a friend for doing this. Yet, all is in His time, not mine not my friend's. No matter how much I want to see her grow in wisdom and stature, I realise it is beyond my control. I just want to see the love of Christ transform her. Maybe from a fierce tigress to a tigress of love and joy, a tigress whose yellow light shines brighter than the black and sinful stripes we all have before salvation. I notice she has many strengths, from loving her family to probably sincerity, to artistry to hardmorking. I do not know how many see these qualities in her but I do. I hope she knows too.
There is another quality that I find great. It is one I can't actually describe now. But I know she is just a doorstep away from heaven's house just that circumstance has prevented her from experiencing the joy. I do not know the condition of her heart or if Jesus dwells there already but I know or at least I feel I know, she is more ready to be a Christian than many other lukewarm Christians in the class. But who am I to judge, God have mercy on me.
Well, though I know she won't be reading this blog, I wish her a blessed birthday. (but if she reads this blog, she call me weird for saying all this). God bless!
I don't know what her response will be. Nah, it's not flowers or chocolates or anything romantic lest she be my girlfriend but it's love, unconditional love. The Jesus love.
I spent a pleasant and tedious amount of time on the present especially on the only piece of art that I can say that I'm good at. I won't go into details lest I'm labeled "doing it for my own glory". I sure hope it'll bless her. I nearly sacrificed my add maths just to make sure it can be finished and given before the hols. Phew, that was hard work.
I know it is impossible that someone will just overnight become passionate for God. God did say what sprouts overnight can also disappear overnight. I certainly do not want that to happen to her. But I hope she won't hate me and a friend for doing this. Yet, all is in His time, not mine not my friend's. No matter how much I want to see her grow in wisdom and stature, I realise it is beyond my control. I just want to see the love of Christ transform her. Maybe from a fierce tigress to a tigress of love and joy, a tigress whose yellow light shines brighter than the black and sinful stripes we all have before salvation. I notice she has many strengths, from loving her family to probably sincerity, to artistry to hardmorking. I do not know how many see these qualities in her but I do. I hope she knows too.
There is another quality that I find great. It is one I can't actually describe now. But I know she is just a doorstep away from heaven's house just that circumstance has prevented her from experiencing the joy. I do not know the condition of her heart or if Jesus dwells there already but I know or at least I feel I know, she is more ready to be a Christian than many other lukewarm Christians in the class. But who am I to judge, God have mercy on me.
Well, though I know she won't be reading this blog, I wish her a blessed birthday. (but if she reads this blog, she call me weird for saying all this). God bless!
Friday, October 5, 2007
Am I on the right path?
I don't know how to start. At first I was just telling my brother that I'm going early to MYF at 7 tomorrow. Then, he asks for what to which I answered to pray. That's when the whole issue started.
Actually we already have our disagreements in the area of spirituality. We have different theology in a sense. In P&W, my focus is to usher in the Holy Spirit so that people can worship in spirit and in truth but he thinks fun and atmosphere that is not too boring is necessary first. Yes I agree that primary school and lower secondary schoolers may not grasp spiritual maturity that quickly and I do agree P&W has to be more youthful so that youths don't feel like they are attending an adult thing.
But just now, he has me so angry and sad at the same time. First he claims that group prayer is not important. He says I can pray myself at home. Before this argument today, he says I should not get too involved in my praise and worship duties coz it's taking away my playing time with him. Then, I do agree that if I'm involved every week with praise and worship, it's not so good too as I know the importance of family time together. I also try to make it a point to take a once a month break so that I can have more time for myself and family on Sat aftrernoons. But now, all I ask is to go half an hour earlier and he is throwing all kinds of doctrine on me. He does not want me to go early so that he does not have too. Why he doesn't want? Because he does not want to wander alone and bored for half an hour until his friends come. I can't describe how i felt.
Basically, i'm not sure whether he wants to play with me because he wants to spend time for a closer relationship with me or just for him to pass time and have fun. I know I should not doubt but that's how I feel. When I argue with him, I have to be extremely careful. Say the wrong word and off it comes back to you in the next argument. So I often resort to say the necessary things and whatever he says after that I treat as noise pollution because I know pride will take away any solutions. But I wonder if that is the right thing to do. I'm afraid it may signal I've nothing to say to counter him and that he is right. though sometimes I do have nothing to say (only becuase I can't find the right words), but I'm just trying to control myself from blowing up at him!
He also says that I always undermine his spiritual knowlegde and I'm always "holier" and that I always complain that the MYF'ers are not spiritual enough. I do agree that I have doubts about him spiritually. From the way he lives his life to his priorities to I don't know. As I type that sentence, there is a voice telling me not to judge. I confess that I undermine his spiritual knowlegde.
In some circumstance I also feel I'm "holier than thou". I always think am I the only one around me to feel that Christians especailly in our church are unequiped for spiritual warfare, lack the Holy Sprit's manifestations and lack maturity? Come on, Holy Sprit come with power, healing, casting out demons etc. though miracles should not be the main focus. The lack of them though is a serious problem.
I'm sad because christians in our church don't have power and especially ones which demonstrate the power of God. I'm even more amzed at the lack of depth and passion for God. Revival meeting seems to be just another talk by another speaker other than our own pastor. If the power of God is present, we will have a revival meeting each week! All my life, God has not given me sign. But I believe what I need is not a sign. I may not believe it even if it were to appear in front of me now. I'm frustrated and depressed. Every time negative thoughts enter my mind, it gets amplified by the enemy and neutralise my defenses. I feel rather defeated in a sense. So much for be holy and be happy.
Well, as a conclusion, my biggest obstacle comes not from my own parents, I've not got an encounter with God, the church lacks power and I can't discern what is right and wrong.
I'm really afraid I twisted some facts. Thanks for reading my long long article.
Actually we already have our disagreements in the area of spirituality. We have different theology in a sense. In P&W, my focus is to usher in the Holy Spirit so that people can worship in spirit and in truth but he thinks fun and atmosphere that is not too boring is necessary first. Yes I agree that primary school and lower secondary schoolers may not grasp spiritual maturity that quickly and I do agree P&W has to be more youthful so that youths don't feel like they are attending an adult thing.
But just now, he has me so angry and sad at the same time. First he claims that group prayer is not important. He says I can pray myself at home. Before this argument today, he says I should not get too involved in my praise and worship duties coz it's taking away my playing time with him. Then, I do agree that if I'm involved every week with praise and worship, it's not so good too as I know the importance of family time together. I also try to make it a point to take a once a month break so that I can have more time for myself and family on Sat aftrernoons. But now, all I ask is to go half an hour earlier and he is throwing all kinds of doctrine on me. He does not want me to go early so that he does not have too. Why he doesn't want? Because he does not want to wander alone and bored for half an hour until his friends come. I can't describe how i felt.
Basically, i'm not sure whether he wants to play with me because he wants to spend time for a closer relationship with me or just for him to pass time and have fun. I know I should not doubt but that's how I feel. When I argue with him, I have to be extremely careful. Say the wrong word and off it comes back to you in the next argument. So I often resort to say the necessary things and whatever he says after that I treat as noise pollution because I know pride will take away any solutions. But I wonder if that is the right thing to do. I'm afraid it may signal I've nothing to say to counter him and that he is right. though sometimes I do have nothing to say (only becuase I can't find the right words), but I'm just trying to control myself from blowing up at him!
He also says that I always undermine his spiritual knowlegde and I'm always "holier" and that I always complain that the MYF'ers are not spiritual enough. I do agree that I have doubts about him spiritually. From the way he lives his life to his priorities to I don't know. As I type that sentence, there is a voice telling me not to judge. I confess that I undermine his spiritual knowlegde.
In some circumstance I also feel I'm "holier than thou". I always think am I the only one around me to feel that Christians especailly in our church are unequiped for spiritual warfare, lack the Holy Sprit's manifestations and lack maturity? Come on, Holy Sprit come with power, healing, casting out demons etc. though miracles should not be the main focus. The lack of them though is a serious problem.
I'm sad because christians in our church don't have power and especially ones which demonstrate the power of God. I'm even more amzed at the lack of depth and passion for God. Revival meeting seems to be just another talk by another speaker other than our own pastor. If the power of God is present, we will have a revival meeting each week! All my life, God has not given me sign. But I believe what I need is not a sign. I may not believe it even if it were to appear in front of me now. I'm frustrated and depressed. Every time negative thoughts enter my mind, it gets amplified by the enemy and neutralise my defenses. I feel rather defeated in a sense. So much for be holy and be happy.
Well, as a conclusion, my biggest obstacle comes not from my own parents, I've not got an encounter with God, the church lacks power and I can't discern what is right and wrong.
I'm really afraid I twisted some facts. Thanks for reading my long long article.
Deceit and defeat
I'm actually quite a happy person. I got a wonderful family, a smart brother and great friends and especially a magnificent God.
But I don't get why my mind is always filled with negative things. Most of the time, the negative things do not warrant me to feel bad at all. Yet, it oftens become amplified in my mind. For example, if I were to mistakenly teach others the wrong things, I'll be saying "You are useless. Don't try helping, you'll make things worst" and this kind of thoughts. Often I know these are from the devil and he is trying to defeat me but everytime I hear these thoughts, I'll become very depressed for quite a while. I try feeling my mind with words of truth but either because i choose to or for some reason, it'll not go away. Only after a long time or when I sleep then it disappears.
However, by then, usually the damage is done. During my time of depression, I often close up myself and not talk to anyone. Even my friends were to talk to me, I'll only give one word answers. Sometimes, I do tell them I'm depress but I rarely know how to explain myself plus i'm afraid that they do not understand so usually I keep it all alone, relying on only myself and hopefully God to do the healing.
I hate this. It's leaving me rather defeated and deceived. God, please teach me what to do.
But I don't get why my mind is always filled with negative things. Most of the time, the negative things do not warrant me to feel bad at all. Yet, it oftens become amplified in my mind. For example, if I were to mistakenly teach others the wrong things, I'll be saying "You are useless. Don't try helping, you'll make things worst" and this kind of thoughts. Often I know these are from the devil and he is trying to defeat me but everytime I hear these thoughts, I'll become very depressed for quite a while. I try feeling my mind with words of truth but either because i choose to or for some reason, it'll not go away. Only after a long time or when I sleep then it disappears.
However, by then, usually the damage is done. During my time of depression, I often close up myself and not talk to anyone. Even my friends were to talk to me, I'll only give one word answers. Sometimes, I do tell them I'm depress but I rarely know how to explain myself plus i'm afraid that they do not understand so usually I keep it all alone, relying on only myself and hopefully God to do the healing.
I hate this. It's leaving me rather defeated and deceived. God, please teach me what to do.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Of History exams and end times dreams
Argghh!! Really stressed. Can't memorize my sejarah. Often has distractions going on when studying. Feel rather frustrated. I told myself maybe I'll try harder the next time but I know this is giving up even before the battle begins. Haih.. Arghhhh!!!
Anyways, last night had a dream about the end times. I don't think it's a vison or anything. In the dream, I dreamt that my dad and my brother went against me and I lived in fear. I pray that that will not happen, that my brother and dad will hold firm to the end. That I will too.
Anyways, last night had a dream about the end times. I don't think it's a vison or anything. In the dream, I dreamt that my dad and my brother went against me and I lived in fear. I pray that that will not happen, that my brother and dad will hold firm to the end. That I will too.
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