Revivals!

Reaching into the wilderness
Energy of love penetrates
Vivid images of the grace of God
Immersing all in His blessings
Vital to revitalise
Anyone and everyone
Look Lord at our open hearts
Send your Revival!

Sadness

I can't contain it, the fear, the bruden
Always present, many times overcomed
Must i go thru this? Is there no other way?

Seeing my influence, who am i?
Another leader who would soon say goodbye?
Defeated victor who gives hope and lie?
Never never would i allow myself to rise
Ever ever God is before me
See me for who i really am.
See me, world, for who i want to be.

Driving--More than fun

Woohoo! Driving! Was fun i must say... but don't sit in my car.. at least not yet, because i'm still driving with my eyes closed.. hehe.. exaggeration..

The time is 8.00a.m. I waited anxiously for my instructor to arrive. I was expecting that he arrives in his kancil and immediately we could start ot get down to business. But he drove his mercedes.. but no difference.

He started with the criteria of a good driver. A good system (road laws), good skills (driving skills, that is) and a good attitude. Then, he went into the function of the car parts. At one point i a little bored, i nearly slept. he he.. It was useful knowlegde. Jus too bad i didn't remember much. Oh.. just the part where the minimum speed for gear one is 1kmph, gear 2 is 5 kmph, gear 3 is 20kmph and gear 4 is 40kmph. Also the part not to open some liquid compartment too quickly, lest you boil yourself.

Just when i thought, it was going to end, he gave me the wheel. Immediately he asked me to drive to the roundabout. I was a little scared but excited. It was fun. Had problems with my turning tho.

Then we went to a corner where i practiced my full turns. Did a 8 shape for quite some time. Then he asked me to stop. What a surprise when he said:"Ok, now let's go home". I gave him a stare and then, asked:"I'm driving?".

"Yup, you scared?"
Nodded.

But off i go to a fun-filled journey home. Luckily no cases of my engine "dying". I wasn't really concentrating. Was really blur at that time so i just followed what he said. Got to overtake some slowbies and even went to gear 4, about 50kmph. Thrre's one time when i tried to change gear and pressed the accelerator but forgot to release the clutch. Guess what. I had the sound of the zoom of an F1 racer on a kancil but i didn't accelerate.. haha..

And I arrived safely (praise the Lord) home.

Updates

Hey, Merry Christmas!
Here's some updates for you to include in your prayers.
25 Dec, 7:30p.m. Chruch Service: I'm dancing!
26th Dec, 8.00a.m.: My first driving practical lesson! Whoo!
31st Dec, 10.30p.m.: Watch Night Service/ Countdown to 2009
4th Jan 2009: First day to Sibu Short-term Mission School

Thanks! Enjoy your hols while it still lasts!

Methodist Youth Convention

I guess this would be the highlight of the year for me. Coming back from Kem Puncak Permai, Bau really gave me tons of new experiences and friends. Within just 4 days, I conquered 5 of my fears. I'm just amazed.

11 Dec 2008

Arrived at church around 8am. Surprised to hear that i am one of the 8 group leaders for the camp. The teams are Bau, Lundu, Kuching, Matang, Serian, Kota Samarahan, and Santubong. Mine is called SINIAWAN aka, Sini Awan.. haha.. a group of 37.



Arrived at the NS camp around 10 something. Strolled around camp for a little while. Lunch at 12. Pleasantly surprised to see the NS toilet. 100 times better than the NS camp in Serian. Can't thank the Lord more for the toilet..



2p.m.: Icebreaker starting. The other leader of my group from Sibu has not yet arrived. She is Rev Tie's daughter. Even before she arrived, i already have feeling of respect for her. The game started. As group leader i was supposed to carry out the games with the group. Games????!!!!!! Anyway, to cut the long story short, i managed to lamely finish the games. Fear number one----- CONQUERED!!



After the games, Jan, Rev Tie's daughter approached me to say hi. I was a little taken aback and don't know what to sat so i just said hi and "See you Around". Felt a bit pai sei, it was her who approached me first and not the other way around. Wwhat kind of guy am i?



The night was the introductory talk and P&W by SIB church.



12 Dec 2008

Had morning devotion with the guys in my dormintory. 19 of us altogether, including advisor Derek which looked quite young. Had mistaken him as one of the participants had he not hinted unintentionally that he is an advisor. Devotion went well. Some only woke up at the last minute though.



Breakfast was satisfactory although not enough to fill my stomach nor the other 200-odd participants. Flies are high in population. Where are the frogs and lizards when you needed them? hmm.. anyway.. i expected that.. thank God no cockroaches. :)



Morning had the first talk, followed by a workshop. I chose the workshop on identifying your spiritual gifts. The analysis showed that i am gifted to compassion, shepherding, serving and encouragement. I saw that some participants were gifted in tongues and interpretation, something i didn't expect.



The afternoon we went to Mt Singai! Had my first test as group leader. 2 went missing even before the trip started. I searched high and low for them. I counted and recounted at least ten times, thinking i miscounted. But I didn't. Alas we left without them. I didn't check by ticking the names because i forgotten thier names and was a little pai sei to ask.

In the evening, i was shocked when i find out the last night would be what they call the Challenge Night. We are required to come out with either a sketch or or song to present on that night. What?! Me? Directing a sketch? During the night my mind was already in slumber mode. I barely could think. I told Jan about it. I prayed to God for help. Miraculously, the group members had ideas and by God's grace i was able to process the ideas and create a whole sketch! Praise The Lord! With further discussions with some of the members, the rough daft is completed. I had to leave the discussions early because I had P&W practice.

13 Dec 2008
PRayed that i'll wake up early. God woke me up at 4:50a.m. Went back to sleep though. Was really tired from the lack of sleep and energy consuming activities during the day.

Did devotion with the Siniawan boys team again. They seem pretty receptive and not many yawned throughout.

Breakfast was not enough again but i still praised God that i can eat. In any other camp, whatever goes in will surely come out. Today, I had a lot on my mind. The sketch details weren't fully finalised, the members are still in the dark on what is going on and there hadn't been any practice yet. Pressure! (For the 1st time in the camp)

After the talk, i joined another workshop. It was on BGR. The workshop is done by Auntie Grace and it was superb. Learnt a lot. One thing i learnt is that if someone said to you, "If you love me, you will have sex with me", just tell him, "Go to hell!"... well... at least that is what the speaker said.
I learnt a few things about girls too. They are:

1. talkative


2. expressive while listening


3. relational-oriented


4. intuitive but not good in spatial (direction) skills


5. multi-tasker


6. better liars


7. stimulated through their ears


8. Girls want relationships, stability and love.

BGR is just such a complex issue.

In the afternoon, right after lunch, I immediately went up with team and started telling them thier roles. Problem was, I lost the paper that has the details!! Like i would always tell people, Jeremy don't lose things, its just that they can't be found at that moment. True enough, I found it 2 days later.. he he.. anyway, luckily some of my members remembered the details so we were off to work. we set the practice time at 430p.m.

Then we had some games. It was divided into 3 parts. The first part for our team was the futsal, ping pong and netball part. SOme of us decided to skip this part to focus on the prep for our sketch. Then, we had the kayaking segment. My favourite! At first when i went into the boat, i felt like the boat was going to overturn. I was soooooo scared. After a while, i got used to it. Then my partner and i started to row freely., nearly bumping into the shores, humans and fellow kayakers. It was fun. I wished it was longer.

The last segment was the obstacle race. The 1st part was balancing on a moving plank. I had some problems but fortunately did not create history by becoming the only one from my group to fall. The we had to climb a wall of my height. No sweat! The next was to walk on top of a narrow wall also somewhere my height. A piece of cake--NOT! There was a hole in the wall. You had to cross from one wall to another wall while balancing yourself on a narrow walkway of around 20cm! My team mates walk across as if it was nothing. The moment i arrived in front of the "hole" I froze. I just couldn't move. The moment i lifted my leg, my whole body became weak. No exagerration. Then, i heard people shouting at me, encouraging me to cross. One even called me "si ai bin"! By God's grace i crossed not just one, but two holes, to the claps of my team members. Phew! My fear of heights is conquered!

Up next is the monkey bars which was easy. The we had the tarzan swing. Using a rope, we had to swing from one end to the other without crashing into the pool underneath. I thought it was easy. I was wrong. I tried 4 times and each time i crashed straight into the pool. It was already almost 5p.m. I retimed the practice to 5. I knew i was running out of time but i didn't want to give up until i conquered the tarzan swing. I finally did. On my fifth try. It was 4:55p.m.

After rushing through my bath, i arrived at the practice place only to find 5 of my members there. The rest was nowhere to be found. Only at 5:45p.m. did we manage to gather everyone there. Even then, we did not have even time to do a run-through. Iwas just so nervous.

During P&W, I was totally exhausted. While people was jumping thier way in worship, i went to the side to catch a shut eye. Alomst immediately, the sound system couldn't work though i doubted if it had anything to do with me. After 10 minutes, it resumed to normal. I only went back towards the end of the worship.

The sketch went on quite well. Praise the Lord!

14 DEC 2008

Was super nervous before my turn to lead worship in my church. The Youth Convention was shifted there on the last day. Throngs of blue t-shirts filled the sanctuary with a touch of youth. Didn't do much jumping though. Wasn't inspired to.. but also nervousness got the better of me. But praise God I wasn't over-nervous.. if you know what i mean... bet you don't..

After church we went to Doulos. Was raining. In the bookstore, it was humidly, superly, agonisingly hot. Was sweating more than i can read. Imagine more than 300 people suddenly in the bookstore the size of a mini mph in spring without fan or air-con! We then went to a small hall to an event called "One-Step". Praise God there's air-con. But after a while all the oxygen got sucked up by 300 people so i became dizzy again. One of my advisors was leaving early so i immediately hopped out with his family. The moment i stepped out of the boat, i felt refreshed. Caution: Bring oxygen tanks into DOulos.. hehe..

Conclusion

I learnt a lot through this camp. Sounds very cliche right? But its through. Didn't regret coming or leading this group. God has worked wonders. My only prayer is that this experience will stick and spur me to be better and better.

My group and i.. not clear but hope you can see me..

Peace?

To be a simple yet wise,
Inasmuch as i want, i tried
Googling every possible answer
Energy diverted, diffracted
Respond not given, peace unfound

Are You sure It those not concern you?

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package.What food might this contain?'The mouse wondered he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning:There is a mousetrap in the house!There is a mousetrap in the house!'The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, 'Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it.'The mouse turned to the pig and told him,'There is a mousetrap in the house!There is a mousetrap in the house!'The pig sympathized, but said, 'I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers.'
The mouse turned to the cow and said,'There is a mousetrap in the house!There is a mousetrap in the house!'
The cow said, 'Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose.' So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap . . . alone.That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.
The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught.In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught.The snake bit the farmer's wife.
The farmer rushed her to the hospital, and she returned home with a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.
But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock.To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.
The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral; the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.
The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.So, the next times you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember When one of us is threatened, we are all at risk.
We are all involved in this journey called life.We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another.
SEND THIS TO EVERYONE WHOHAS EVER HELPED YOU OUTAND LET THEM KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THEY ARE.
REMEMBER.. . .
EACH OF US IS A VITAL THREAD IN ANOTHER PERSON'S TAPESTRY; OUR LIVES ARE WOVEN TOGETHER FOR A REASON.
One of the best things to hold onto in this world is a FRIEND

Class Dinner Photos

Class Dinner photos: (till we meet again)

Nostalgic moments.. not all went to the class dinner at hartz Chicken on Fri the 28th. 41 only in fact. Out of the 41, i only managed to pose with a few. From what i heard, a few would be joining me in form 6. Sounds like fun. Though simple, i guess the night was worth remembering. Someone notable is missing from the above though. Had God closed all doors? I just have to wait and see..

May the name of the Lord be praised

I longed for a tree, a little green tree
I longed for the sun so yellow, so bright.
I longed for a bee, colors of hope
But will this longing continue be?

It was a choice i had to make,
to let go or will i take.
But yet? Was it ever in my hands?

I searched for a heart, look what i found
I let it go, shall i be down?

The roaring I hear, so loud so beautiful
From the thick jungle, voices of sincerity
I chose not to move, not to enter
Will I regret? Does it matter?

I searched for a heart, look what i found
I let it go, shall i be down.

Smell of the medicine, aid number one
Son of geography, did i truly want?

I can't be sure, shall i complain
To be greedy, unlovely, and selfish can i? Will I?

One thing I know, two i'm sure
That this is love but do i have the mind and heart?

Her smile brings joy to all around me,
She brightens up my day,
I still see no sign of the journey,
One that we will cherish

Yet I say this, yes I loved her
But all this while is just love enough?

Thank you God, thank you Lord
thank you for being in control
Thank you for the good times
Thank you for the bad times
I will praise you for you are worthy to be praised.
I will praise you for hold my life in your grace.

Friends Will I Miss

Ever yellow, ever bright, ever fun, lively light
Looked at you with tender mercy, was it a choice which right
Another person will it be? Another time will you I see
Into your eyes, one last gaze, not even a chance, I am fazed
Neverthless the Lord has given, nonetheless he has taken away
Even as yellow has dimmed, even as light has paled
Life must go on tho' chance has flew, sorrow and sadness, did i blew?
Into Your hands I offer my life, I accept it fuller tho with strife.
Never regret, will never forget, but i will let, stil hoping not a sunset
God is good all the time. Amen, amen, his will is mine.

I'm Back

Yeap... I'm back.. after a long time.. initially I wanted to open a new blog but i guess it is necessary.. well, one more EST paper left and there goes Sijil Pesakit Mental..

Will be revamping the blog as much as i can soon to give it a new feel and will open it up from secrecy soon too. Want to make this a good way my friends can get connected with me.. more soon!

Because You Love Me

Love this song.. can be used as alternative to You Raise Me Up.. Gotto know it through America Got Talent.. enjoy!



For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

Strange Dream

Well, it ain't strange as it sounds like but it was strange. You see, just before i slept, i had a lot of unanswered questions about an activity today. Who would be sending who? When should i go? I tried calling the person who would know but neither his handphone nor his house phone could be reached, so I slept with the matter on my mind.

In the middle of the night I woke up three times. I can't remember why except the time I needed to do my business. But I also remembered I that three times the person told me I won't need to go that early. It seemed so real but when I finally got up this morning, there is no proof that it ever happened, which by the way, could only happen through sms. He could not call because my phone is not switched on.

So I, awoken by a phone call, was worrying. I tried calling his house again but no one answered again. I was afraid that something might have happened. I waited awhile and called his hp. What a relief when I heard his voice. Phew! He said I only need to go later. Again to my relief because that meant that I can focus on serving God in church.

The question is, was that a dream from God?

Facing My Giants

We all have giants in our lives don't we? It is unthinkable that a young boy David managed to overcome a 9-feet Goliath, but the fact is he did - and even that with a sling and a stone!

This two weeks are weks of facing my giants and I see them tumble down one by one. Praise the Lord! It started off with a choir retreat by my church choir. Initially i thought it was to be an ordinary seminar where I just listened and listened, period. Yet, it was not be. In fact the speaker from Singapore called it a workshop and that requires active participation from us. She called up my church choir for some master class. I was formerly from there so I tagged along. It nearly turned out to be a bad mistake because she asked us to sing a song we always practiced.. which whatever it was, I never did(I'm on a one-year leave). Luckily the tenors were to sing the melody. Phew! But I fumbled at the high notes. Kinda embarrassing although I didn't feel that way.

Sinve it was a four day retreat, I wondered if I should continue. I was in a dilema because, first, I'm not a choir member, second, I may be asked on certain occassions to sing a note or two and may fumble again and lastly, I got guitar lessons. I struggled. One want hand i feel I am missing a perfect opportunity in doing what i like most, that is to sing. On the other hand, I was afraid of the circumstance that surrounds it, especially the speaker who canm suddenly call you up to do something. I decided not to go. But the burning desire was too much. After calling up my guitar teacher to inform my last minute decision, I went.

First giant down.

Last Saturday, I went on my first outing in 17 years with my youth. Initially i also did not go but i decided to as it was my last time and because of the persuasion of my advisors. I had a great time. I had a breakthrough.

2nd giant down.

Just on Thursday, it was the choir practice for the national day celebrations in school. I was to conduct but know I do not treat it as a burden. Yes, I was in anxiety but no more so much that it cripples me.

3rd giant down.

This weeekend I will be having to play chess in a competition and helping in P&W at the same time. Not a very good decision. And adding on is my tame lost last night to someoone I stand a chance of beating, I feel more stressed. But I'm determined to press on. Even if I lose all my matches, I HAVE NO CONDEMNATION! Yes!

4th giant, in the name of Jesus you lose!

Next weekend for the first time I agreed without hesistation to help out in Sunday School with the dancing. You must be wondering what is Jeremy doing dancing right? Ha ha.. Well I am and it is a breakthrough. I know I can do it. Even if I fail, glory to God.

5th giant, in the name of Jesus I win again!

God's hand is bigger than mine, so are His ways higher than my ways. If a 9-feet tall giant is but a speck in His eyes, so shall the giant in my eyes!

Amazed

This is about my P&W in Youth last Saturday.

Well, this week, Green Road is having their Malam Kebudayaan as I was told that also supposedly coincided with the City Day Parade thing. So I expected very little people to come and very few on the worship team to be here.

So I mentally prepared for no drums and maybe not even piano for the night P&W. I was P&W leader for the record don't know how many times in 3 months because the rest are busy with something else. I wonder if people are getting bored with me already or not. Nevertheless, it was my day again and another priviledge to serve... but it became more than ordinary.

10.00p.m. Friday
"Jeremy, am I playing tomorrow?"
"You? I thougt you are going to the greenian thingy?"
"Err.. no.."
"Ok then.. do come.."

12.00p.m.
"Jeremy, do you need still need me to play guitar or drums? There is a change of plans tonight and I can make it."
"Erm.. ok.. do come.. practice at 525p.m."

1230p.m.
"Jerermy, am I playing the piano tonight?"
"I thought you were going to the Greenian thing also?"
"Err.. no.."
"Oh, great.. do come.."

..........................................................................................

In a space of less than 24 hours, musicians suddenly offered themselves. Usually I had to call them all just to remind them to get them. This time they just called me. Not one. Not 2. But 3!

At first I was wondering what God is doing in all this. What does he want me to do? Play more songs? Sing more difficult songs? What? I just couldn't figure it out.. A guitarist, a drummer and a pianist just suddenly showed up.

Just 2 hours before practice, my brother pulled out. For some reason he just didn;'t want to play anymore. Iv tried persuading him. I tried understanding him. I just didn't know why he just wouldn't play. I nearly sohuted at hime because he has a habit of just pulling out suddenly or setting conditions just to serve. I was a little pissed. If he doesn't know certain songs, I suggested he let the other pianist play that part. If it is because he is scared, I do offer a considerable amount of a safety net so that even if he makes a mistake he will be covered. But he just ain't playing.

So now I got a full band, minus my brother.

My bro went to another practice for the main sunday service.

10 minutes later, he came back.

I wondered why so I asked him. He said apparently the time for practice has changed and he was not informed.

Then it dawned upon me.

The practice has been shifted back an hour which means it wil end an hour later than normal. This also means the two of the original people who were to play would not be able to be back to practice on time as they are involved there.

I was touched... really touched..

God knew something I din. God knew all along about the time change for practice. God knew that by the time I found out it would have been too late. I would only be left with a newbie guitarist whom later i found out could only play two songs of the five and a bassist. Have God not sent this 3 special people, I would not have made it on time that night for the Praise and Worship. Yes, it still wasn't the Spirit and passionate worship I wanted but it was the most special. The drummer who often was critized for his bad rhythm did good that night too.

I'm in awe. I only can say thanks in my heart for what God has done. He prepared a umbrella before a storm. Thank you Lord!

Why I wanted Prayer Before Exams to continue.

I know many would feel very irritated if we wanted to pray before exams. In fact I believe many don;t even see the need as it actually robs them of time for literal last minute revision. After all prayer doesn't work right?

The fact is, they prayed prayed AND prayed and results is the same with them crying i frustration every time a test ends. Some even choose not to go to church because they believe that studying at home is more effective. After all ,you can worship alone in private right? What does the church have to offer? Boring sermons and hypocrisy?!!

Sad.
That's all I can say.
If you remember well, when we were in the afternoon session we prayed before every semester exams and even non-Christians join us!! What a testimony!
The fact is Christianity was once alive and powerful till busyness and a lack of faith stops it. I do agree about the argument that why pray when nobody wants to. But why do people not want to?

Yes I rather be in the presence of 3 people whose hearts are set on God that 100 who feels the longer the prayer is the more waste of time. But I do admit lon prayers especially if it sounds like ritual recital makes me frustrated too.

Our good friends sis is critically ill. What are we doing about it? If there is a better time to pray it is now! Why? Because prayer, especially corporate prsyer glorifies God. Corporate prayer moves God's hands faster because it is a public show of our faith though some may use it to show how good they are. I keep thinking.. what if we gather publicly and pray one day for our friends sis, crying our hearts out to God asking for healing and he does heal. What a testimony! This will be great encouragement to the body of believers and non alike! What if it fails? Shall we lose faith and face? The fact is, we are not trying.

Another thing is that by SPM, I believe everyone will be asking when is the next prayer session. As if God only helps during big things like SPM and not during trial exams! What is the difference?!

Sorry but I just can't help it. I have to have this outburst. I feel like I'm a hypocrite for saying all this because at times I like that too but I REALLY REALLY want to see more of God and more of Christianity in action.

I believe Lord, open my eyes

I believe you're my healer.
...ANd by His stripes we are healed..

I just wonder.. why GOd will not show up even just once.. or is it that something is wrong with me. . As I watch the video clip below, I know that God is still moving in this world.. Yet I wonder how is he working here.

I believe that GOd is the healer. I believe God is powerful and awesome but somehow I only can say this by faith and not by heart. I ertainly don't agree it takes seeing to believe but how about believing to see? When will revival come here? But I guess the main question is, how is thestate of my heart now?

I just know if people were to ask me where is your God, I would not know how to precisely answer.
Lord open the the eyes of my heart.

July is here! And it smells like it is going to be busy.
First stop: Sports day 3-4 July.
Hopes: Can get my much needed kk marks. Can do my best.

2nd stop: Study! study! study!
Hopes: God is warning me more than 10 times through at least 5 different ways to start studying. Jeremy! Wake Up AND STUDY!!!

3rd stop: Trial Exam 1
Hopes: This is not going to be as easy as the exam in the 1st semester and may have a bearing on my immediate future.. Target: 7a1, 3 A2.. Well, considering that my science subjects have never gotten A, this is a realistic target.

My First Loss

He died.
I can't believe my eyes when I read that he died.
Could I have done more? Could I have made a difference if I tried harder? The fact that I felt I could made his death even harder.

It was that Saturday night in church. He seemed different. He wasn't his jolly and funny self. If anything, he was strange and weird. In fact, he looked as if he has been demon-possessed. Usually he speaks chinese although sometimes he spoke in English as it was after all an English Youth. But this time he spoke all English and with a British accent. A strange one. My first glimpse of him that night, he was jumping on the Bible and tearing it into pieces. I was shocked. I thought he was fooling around although that was over the line.

I proceeded with my routine work in church. I thought he was bored and was just passing his time but he was acting so weird, he was kinda frightening us. At one time he gave me something to eat, saying something like this is the last time I can eat with him because he was going somewhere. I thought he finally is going to further his studies.

But he kept acting strangely so I decided to talk to him. I asked him to walked with me circling the church.
Yet, as I talked to him, it seemed like he wasn't even thinking straight. A lot of my questions went either diverted or unanswered. In fact when I asked about God he seemed a little insulting or at least that is what I can recall. I decided I'm not in a position to help him because he just wouldn't open up. So I continued on with my work especially after the advisors came.

Towards te end of MYF, I decided to give one last try. I wrote a note to him to encourage him, saying that i support him no matter what he is going through and that i will always be a friend and asked him to never insult God no matter what.

I last remembered him keeping the chairs calmly after reading my note.

That was 3 months ago.

Just today I got news he died. He died on 1 Jun. I still don't know what is the cause of death but deep inside I pray it is not because of suicide and that he died a Christian.

Life is brief isn't it? One moment you see me, the next I'm gone. But rejoice if I went to live with the Lord. But mourn if I don't. ("i" is a general term not referring to me). He is my first loss. Believe it or not, still now, the biggest death that I experienced personally was the death of a guinea pig.

The lesson here is, if you see someone suddenly acting strange or look really down, do not even hesistate to go near him/her a offer Christ's hand of love. Who knows, it may be your last chance to make a difference.

The Mostest Bestest and Mostest Busiest Birthday

I woke up this morning feeling a little nervous. Will I be conducting today? Just the thought of conducting and leading the choir for the last time put a lot of pressure on me. I guess I'm so the very easily pressured.

Well, fortunately Wee Cheng is willing to help me conduct this time. I was relieved although a little pai sei because didn't let him conduct because i can't but because i was actually running away from responsibility. So bad ho?

Well, just in case you do not know, today is my birthday. Yup, and I instructed those who might remember my birthday to keep it hush for today's Teachers' Day. I certainly didn't want the whole world to know its my birthday. However something fishy happened.

Well, you see. At first the choir was no singing very well. And we practised and practised before our performance. After awhile, I called for a break. I remember telling Ralph that as a leader I had to make a decision between letting them watch the performance or to continue to practise. I chose the latter and told him since its my last day, it'll be alright for me to be the bad guy for this once.

When I came back, suddenly everyone looked at me. I thought it was just my "handsomeness" as I always like to say(but come to think of it.. it feels so wrong... so unlike me) . Then Aaron just stood up and said they liked to sing another round. I was surprised at this and felt encouraged that they want to do better. So I gladly went up to sing togther with them. But then Aaron said that he wanted me in front of the choir. He said he wanted my comments. Fishy, but I didn't smell it coming. When they started singing, I felt something amiss. They sang a little weirdly good... I mean not perfect but much better. I felt my senses kicking in that something is hapenning but I just don't know what. So I just let them sing tll the end.

*Finishing chord from the pianist*


*A take of a breath*


"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday.....
By this time, I was taking the table cloth and hiding my head under it. O my goodness! Where did that come from? I thought I told the people not to tell. Ha ha.. I admit it ws a pleasant surprise. Just so simple, so shocking. I had to had time to regroup myself. If I had been more expressive, I probably would have cried. It was really special from them.

I thought, it was going to be another lonely birthday with every who unintentionally found out my birthday saying "Oh it's your birthday? I forgot.. sorry... happy birthday".. and all the other excuses ... ha ha.. sorry for that but I treat birthdays quite important.

I had even more surprise. Ernest remembered my birthday and even got me a special card that sings the birthday song (maybe to make up for him not singing it.. ha ha). Of course my other friends got me nice gifts too and they were very special indeed. But I guess what will make me the most happy is that the special one never forgotten my birthday. she gave something a little weird and never explained if there is any intricate meaning but nevertheless, I love it to the brim (still don't know what is it supposed to b though ...ha ha ha.. don't tell her... ha ha..). I'm sure she really meant it when she gave it. Too bad I can't spend time with her.

Well, I guess that is all for now. Thank you Lord, for this wonderful birthday. Too bad it's my last year with my friends already. Hopefully, we'll meet again someday and celebrate each other's birthday. Hopefully one of those day's will be in heaven. Amen.

Piano exam, faith and encouragement

Piano exam!! Today!!! Although I admit I have not perfected anything yet, I'm pretty much prepared. In fact, this is the first time i practiced so hard. In the past, I barely could memorise anything. Now, I can memorise almost half of each of my songs.

Just a week ago i was ultra low on confidence. No thanks to my imperfections in playing the piano plus aural and scales, my traditional stronghold. I was wanting to pour out my feelings to someone but i guess people don't see how bad it can be. Even the special one did not.

So I thought this was it. I tried my best anyways, sadly. Till...

It was this Monday. Ryner surprisingly just jumped at me started a new "philosophy"-well, based on the Bible. He calls it the "Confession of The Word". It works practically like this: Everyday he would go to someone and speak truth and encouragement into someone's life. This is not to make them feel better or anything. In fact it is to fill them with the truth that they will dwell on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, anythig that is praiseworthy or excellent and let the truth set them free.

So he was coming to me and going all how God will guide me in my piano exam and that many times even in prayer we focus on the problems instead of the power of God. We pray: Dear Lord, perfect my scales, aural, pieces, ... bla bla bla... In Jesus name, Amen. So what are we thinking of? Our problems. But when we turn our eyes on Jesus, to focus on His greatness and take our eyes of our problems, that is when we can say in faith that we can do it. How true.

One logic he gives is this: If I say the word "Orange", the first thing that comes to your mind is surely orange and not apple, right?. Therefore, if we keep saying we are not good, we will strive to be good?

He inspired me. I went on that night to perform my best pieces in one year. But last night i flunked again due to tiredness. bUt I believe today will be different. Not because i'm less tired but because the hand of God is with me.I believe that. I admit, i'm fearful of what if my hopes is placed in the wrong position? I will fall greatly just like in choir. But I guess this is what faith is all about. It is about committing all our worries and our fears to one Awesome God. The higher risk, the greater the faith, the more God will be glorified.

THE MESSAGE

EVEN AS I MADE THOSE FOOD
LEAVING A LOVE AND A MESSAGE IN
ANOTHER SALAD ANOTHER SUSHI
I ASK MYSELF WHAT AM I DOING ACTUALLY?
NEVER HAD I SACRIFICED AS SUCH
EVER HAD I KNOWN A LIFE SO MUCH

IMMANUEL SHINE IN, SHINE THROUGH ME

DEEDS ARE NOTHING
IF FROM A SELFISH HEART
DEEDS ARE NOTHING

IMMANUEL SHINE IN, SHINE THROUGH ME
TO BLESS YOUR PEOPLE

FOREVER I AM SAVED
ONLY BY GOD'S GRACE
REVEAL YOUR WILL O' LORD

YES LORD I AM HERE
ONLY AT YOUR SERVICE
UNDER YOUR LOVING CARE

ANOINT ME WITH YOUR WORD
MEET ME IN MY PRAYER
EVER JUST LET ME KNOW
NEEDS, FUTURE MY LIFE LOVE YOU WILL SOW

Of thanksgiving, petition and lessons.

School holidays!!! No!!!
.. ha ha.. anyways... it's school hols again.. exams are over... again..
There are several good news coming during the hols. First of all, sam is coming back! (not that I'm that happy.. lol.. just joking).. Next, its the hols again (which means I'll prob switch to lazy mode again esp without choir). Then, its going to be my favourite month of the year- June (you better tell me you know why!)! Of course let's not forget it is going to be a time of resting, rejuvenating, revision and restructuring.

Ok, before I enter into my holidays, I have to publicly count my blessings for the Lord has done in my life over the past 3 weeks:

1. Thank you Jesus for guiding my conducting on May 20th (State-level Teacher's Day Celebration)
2. Thank you God for giving me a good brain.
3. Thank you for guiding me in my relationships with others and enriching them
4. Thank you for keeping me and her healthy
5. Thank you for always being there for me when I needed you.

But forgive me for:

1. Losing my focus on you even in church
2. Not being serious in my exam
3. Not loving others as I should (esp those whom people stay away from)
4. Unintentionally always seeking glory for myself and not you

Well, God has taught me a lot during these 3 weeks too. One lesson is that I should never guess a person's intentions or thinking. It is always best to go directly to him or her and ask, lest we misunderstand. I nearly threw away 2 friendships because I thought I was not important to him/her. Another lesson is that I must strive in order to succeed. I guess God has tried to tell me this ages ago but I never could accept the fact that success does not come without hard work. Another lesson is, it is always good to encourage others. Although sometimes some people are not actually sad but just look sad, its no harm done to go and encourage them. Even if its a false alarm, its still nice to know someonew cares.

Latest favorite song

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am yours.
I am yours.

True Love Waits Rally

When I left my church on the night of 26th April, I left with mixed emotions. On one hand I was thrilled someone special came and sat beside me to support me although she doesn't know how encouraged I was. On the other hand, the lack of encouragement from my church members left me wondering if I sang well enough to make an impact on the people that came to the talk that night.
True Love Waits. That was the theme of the night and the theme song that was composed by my sister and lyrics written by me. The night started off with that song which I had grown to endear myself to. My duet partner Jocelyn kicked it off by singing the verse and prechorus so beautifully, and I, drawing on all the emotion and strength I could get from the Almighty one and special one, sang the chorus. I could see the smile on her face at the sometimes when she looked at me. I would have looked at her longer if I could without raising suspicions.
Then, came the tambourine dances proceeded by the P&W. It was good to praise God together with 400+ youths, especially during action songs like Now That You're Near. We had fun and praise. Although it was short as I felt I had to save time for the more important stuff of the night, it was great to worship and lead worship in such a big setting. Praise God for giving me peace. May His name be praised.
The talk lasted 40 minutes or so and it was really funny to have Rev. Dr. Tie to be our speaker that night. He spoke on the need for purity and things to look out for. After that, it was the dance of the True LOve Waits Song and drama and Q&A and the end. We got free gifts that bears TLW that reminded us that True LOve Really Waits. Oh, we also signed a pledge.
My point is usually after singing there'll be tons of people saying well done and stuff like that but that night, there wasn't. Like I did something wrong. But looking back I thank God, only 2 did because indeeed it should be God that is glorified, not His servant. Indeed, from composing the song till the last word of the night, it is not about us impacting the 400+youths. It is God. The fact that we still can draw so many people in spite of the clash of dates with ER is a miracle.
Yes, I admit I was disappointed I wasn't glorified but you can see how stupid I was. It's just one of my flaws that I need cleansing by Jesus from. I'm not perfect! But may God empower me to be more and more like Him.
So what's up in my life? Important dates:
1. 10 May: Exam!!!!!
2. 17 May: Sis Birthday
3. 18 May: One of good friend's birthday
4. 20 May: State level teacher's day celebration! (I'm co-conducting with Wee Cheng)
5: 24 May: Someone long lost is coming home!
6: June Holidays:
7. 14 June: Those who don't know this date need to know me better. (wonder how many presents will I get?)

And pray for my exams, especially. I'm so distracted by something I can't say here and many other things. I need to focus! I still don't understand time efficiency. Five years of laziness is not easy to change.

Go and victorious?

"Go and be victorious."
4 words ever so popular in the Old Testament. I thought it will remain in the old testament but strangely enough I heard it again. And for a moment I thought it was God who was speaking to me.
It was an hour before the choir competition started. At first I was a little cautious but I nearly could confirm it was the voice of God. Weirdly, I didn't realise i was still restless nevertheless. I didn't realise the doubt that is in me. But I resolve to beolive it was God that said that to me when we prayed together as a choir in the bus.
Fast forward.
" Tempat ketiga dimenangi SMK St. Theresa!"
I was overjoyed at that point. Iknew this was it. St. Theresa, whom I thought was our fierce competitor was knocked out of the running. I clapped loud and hard.
"Tempat kedua dimenangi sekolah number 11...."
What? Was there a mistake? No.. no..
"SMK Batu Lintang!"
I was in utter shock. Utter shock. I couldn't believe my ears. Forget about the moment when mucus flooded my throat and blocked my airways till I nearly couldn't sing. Forget about the little moments when we may have rushed. Forget about my moments of worry. Sure I was sad immediately. Yet what bugged me after that was not that we lost but that little voice that I thought was GOd.
I was broken to pieces to say the least. I was 99.9999999% sure it was God. But God never lies. That means that wasn't God. Big deal? Big deal indeed. There are only a few times when I was that sure. I remembered one was when I was deciding whether I should join EBC camp and another camp. God says the other camp. My friend got saved.
Maybe you still don't understand but I'm so depressed that God's voice seem so elusive. I just don't know what is and is not His voice. How did the prophets listen to Him? How did the apostles do that? What those it mean by the Holy Spirit speaking through you? Lord, why can't I hear you?!
I'm tired. I rested but still find no relief. I got piano tonight and I'm even sure whether I have the strength to even play. I got exams coming up tomorrow and I'm only 1 quarter prepared. Am I going to be wiped out in this week? Just 2 weeks after a spiritual victory in church? Only time will tell. By the time you read this post, tomorrow will most probably become past. I don't what else to say.

Pray for me. My spiritual defences are thrown wide open. I will never allow Satan to come in.

Updates

Hey, just for your info, I'm off my depression now. Actually it happened an hour after I published the last post. After publishing that post, I listened to a sermon by a pastor from City Life Church Melbourne on depression (you should check out their sermons. It's quite relevant to us). After listening to the sermon,my tears just rolled out. I felt so relieved to find out about certain truths, that Elijah, Winston Churchill (president of US) and even Charles Spurgeon (famous Christian) also struggled with depression regularly. Depression not necessarily a demonic attack or a spiritual problem. It may as well be a lack of exercise or lack of rest. .. ha ha will explain more when I have the time. I know.. I know.. I still haven't update my penang trip yet.. wait la.. like what Sam has resolved to do, I have also resolved to study hard. Not to get straights A's but at least to say to myself whatever the result, "Jeremy, you have tried your best". Ta ta..

Down but not out (but try to pick me up)

This is going to be the most depressing thing you ever heard from me but I'm a time bomb waiting to explode. If I don't divulge anything now, I do not know how worse will i become later.

It's not that I do not have people to tell my problems with, not that they are untrustworthy, that I should risk even more by telling of my weaknesses on the world wide web. If anything, they are the people I trust they will understand or at least spend time to understand my problems whatever. I got a great advisor, great friends who will always be there for me. Praise God for them. Yet, right now, for some reason I don't feel ready to tell them anything. My soul overflows with the yearning to tell my latest problem, but I think I fear even if I tell them, they probably won't understand enough to give the correct encouragement or prayer. I'm scared that if that happens, I'll get worst but certainly not to the extent of suicidalness because as much as I feel so hopeless now, I still know my limits. I will never trade God's joy in me in turn for wordly pleasure.

I feel hopeless.
Really hopeless.
Yes, I, the respected, deemed as holy, Praise and Worship Coordinator of TMC MYF, class monitor of my class, looked-up-to person feels hopeless.

I don't seem to do anything right. (correction, excellently). I think this feeling started a long while ago during my Form 1 slump down the slide. Only this year did it heighten to a degree where it becomes unbearable and worst I don't seem to trust my pillars of hope, my friends anymore. I've told them before a little bit on this issue. Always, they help me get back on my feet all the time. Just that I don't want to wear them out with my constant depressions and feeling that to others will seem so insignificant. After all, they, like me are busy people. Nobody likes a depressing friend right?

My first deemed failure was in when I announced to the class about the final year class project we are doing. I didn't prepare well and I just threw the question to them whether they want it and what they want. I didn't tell them about the difficulties which choice they make bring, didn't tell them important things they should know. Then, I lead worship in church and poor planning again somewhat destroyed the music. Never once did my suboordinates did it so badly. While even singing I was looking at the clock as it ticks, hoping the night will end soon so that I can just go home and sleep.

After that was my Maths project that went to SEAMEO. I admit as hardworking as people think I am, I am not. I really did not try to hard enough although admitedly, we were on the wrong pedestal right from the start. I feel so angry at myself to always finish things so last minute and still think God will make a way. The same lesson I have experienced since my Form 1 slump from hardworkingness, fight, fight and fight from the start not only when it is too late. The climax was probably in Penang. During exhibition, I was so engross in self-pity Icouldn't bear even talking to them because of a reason I cannot divulge here. (To my partner, I never regretted joing the competition. I'm happy except for this part. It is not your fault nor anyone's fault). I have a habit of making it quickly to the top only to falter before the finish line. In choir, noboy shoots up to become conductor even before they know what choir is all about. In choir again, I went to the Olympics before I got a taste of inter-school. This time, the moment I knew a Science competition, I was already up against South-east Asian Elites. 3 times. 3 failures (I don't measure failure by medals).

After that I have my mentoring program in MYF. I was supposed to build a new and godly band WITH muscial background. I miss that most important part out during announcement. Half of the new team starts from scratch and it is hard to ask them to learn from outside first before coming in. I don't want to break any hearts but our trainers are simply not equiped to teach you rightly, just to help you become better musicians. I'm hard-presssed. Then I have my terrible monthly test. My chemistry got 51.. again.. I studied last minute.. again.. Who can help me if I don't help myself right?

I never in my entire life got a position lower than 20. I've never even scored a 50 plus except in my spelling test. I never lost to more than 3 guys since Primary 5. But all this I did. And not because of anyone else but my own undoing. Maybe pride came in and brought laziness with it. People warn me indirectly many times. I was just too complacent to hear. I am down .

I love to teach others, now I must be taught. I love to help others, now I must be helped. I love to comfort others but now I need to be motivated. I just hate it when my Praise and worship gets bad. Ijust hate it when all I achieve all this while is mediocrity. I just hate the fact I don't know what I am good at. I guess more accurately what I'm great at? But how can be great if I do not work hard? My piano, guitar, musical ability has all lost to my bro. I fully understand now why younger brothers often feel inferior to the older especially when the older seems too good and loved more. Don't get me wrong, my family does not practice favouritism. I just hate myself because my failures are not because I tried and failed but because I didn't try.

The worst is when people ask me what is my ambition. I .. I don't have any direction.. I despise going Form 6 because I do not want to study all the things I do not like and for some other reason I don't know. my friends are talking about courses and university and all I know is I don't know what am I going to do with my life.............................

Sounds really depressing and for only some small reasons right? This is why I don't feel confident telling people about this problem of mine. And why I rather have as little people know about my blog as possible. So that I can divulge things like this and hope that God send someone to speak to me by chance. I'm probably saying a lot of immature and unwise words but I rather be honest than to hide what I truly feel deep inside. In contrast, on the outside, I should probably be on a high at the moment. I'm respected as a choir teacher only second rank to Mdm. Luk and Ryner, I have just organised probably the first and smoothest Mentoring Program Orientation (or so it seems), the person I like actually considered me a good and caring friend who always lift her up when she is down. How's that, Jeremy, for success.

My God, My God, I know you would never forsake me.
Yet, I feel depressed to the point I can't even remember things and work efficiently anymore. My eyes are on the wrong things that my life is in a mess and spinning out of control. I surrender all Lord. BUT IT IS REALLY REALLY HARD AND I SIMPLY DO NOT HAVE THE FAITH TO CARRY ON ANYMORE. LOrd, have mercy. Speak to me. I still have a battle in SPM. DO not let me self-destruct just yet. I need my SPM. I need my life to be back on track :(


When I smile, not more from heart.
When I shine, no more source.
My smile is not superficial but neither real.
My light is only but rays leftover.

Dear reading friend, sad not be
I don't need advice or false encouragement.
I need someone who is daring to slap me back to my senses
To slap me so that I count my blessings once more
So that I reamin defeated no more.
Satan may seem to be effective in neutralizing my immense potential to stop him.
But Jeremy is not made of just dust. He is God's son.

(if you have any comments, be frank and constructive. Honest words never fail)

Penang-Great experience

(I will rearrange this post for better understanding.. sorry for the messiness)

Ah.. finally i'm back.. well actually.. i have been back a week already but i mean back blogging.

The trip to Penang has been a nice one indeed. It was an international competition. For some reason, i have constantly been joining international competitions although honestly, i am nothing near international class. It is by God's grace.

The flight to KL took an hour an 45 minutes. We took MAS this time as we are govenrment sponsored and boy, they have changed thier style of serving meals. It is no longer those fish or chicken, no longer those hot meals any more. Now, it meals are served in a uniformed lunch or dinner box. (too lazy to take a picture for you to see.. ha ha). The box looks very beautiful and the food tastes good too albeit being cold. They serve a sandwich and a popiah together with some fruits and a cup of plain water. Although it is not our typical local lunch, it is enough to make you full... for an hour..

The flight from KL-penang took 50 minutes with only peanuts provided. During that time a flight attendant got on my nerves. I was sitting at the front row of economy class and was putting my bag in front of me ( I didn't know i shouldn't). Just moments before take off, he spotted my bag and offered to put it in the compartment above. I was putting the things i took out but I guess i was a little slow, so he suddenly said: "5 seconds! 4, 3, 2". You could imagine me getting panicky so i decided to not put those stuff in and quickly handed the bag to him. He then smiled to me... ha ha.. I know he is trying to do his job, hadn't he smiled i would have taken his actions as disrespectful.

Upo arrival, a van came to pick us up from the airport. Together with several other delegates from Brunei and Cambodia, we headed off to SEAMEO-RECSAM.

Reception....

On our way there we could see flags everywhere, all about the impending elections where the results went the wrong way. Its great to be back after 3 months.

During the night, while most participants were busy preparing their speeches, guess what we went doing? We went shopping at Queensbay mall! Quite unexpected because you don't usually go shopping before competition. Guess that's why Batu Lintang is one of the best schools in Malaysia.

(For better pictures, check out my friendster account)

The next day started off briefing and setting up of our booths. Towards the afternoon, we went to Gurney Plaza! Also, throughout the day, we are provided with the main meals and tea-breaks but most of the time it is spicy food so I couldn't eat much.

The 2nd day was the actually competition day-presentation as we call it. It is actually like oral. Just present your findings and others will ask you questions. All of us (Nat, Liew, Ryner, Amb and I) did well but the best is still Ernest's. If you were there, you will laugh till your teeth drop. He was so nervous, making him so hilarious and witty, even the Cambodians who do not speak good english also laughed. In simple words, he sent the crowd in a FRENZY. Imagine just saying the word Mircosoft Excel is enough to make people laugh. That is what happens when pressure becomes a positive energy.

The third day was judging day for our booths. We went into the booth room one by one to be interviewed by our judges. We only have 10 minutes each. Ambrose and I did knida ok if you asked me although I think I looked a little not confident. Anyways, it was all over by noon. After that we went on our Penang island tour.

Look at the words, not the guy..

It was a tour a recommend you not joining if you get car sick easily. This is because, in other to go around the Island, you have no choice but to use a windy path up to the hills where of course you will be treated with great scenery but beware of the dizziness in store for you.. or at least me.. The bus made only 4 stops, and mostly on the road. I nearly vomitted. The bright side is that I made new friends on the trip as i get to sit with different people. One is a girl from vietnam called Thu. At first i thought her name is Two because she introduced herself saying:" My name is Thu, like the number 2" . Then I asked her if it really is spelt Two, she said it was spelt Thu. she says Vietnamese like to sing. And true enough they were singing during the trip. She is from Vietnam High School for Gifted Students. Cool right? At first I thought gifted means disabled.. wrong concept.. ha hs.. From what I heard from her, Vietnam is filled with buddhist. I don't even think she heard of Christians before but she seemed to know Yesu or Jesus in chinese. My only regret being friends with her is that i didn't share the gospel with her.

Another new friend i made was Gary. He is from Singapore and is the only Christian around from the country to participate. He doesn't seem like a nominal Christian from my conversation with him. He says although City Harvest Church is huge, a lot of teens just go there because of their great bands and not because of God. That's sad.

The final new friend i made on the trip was Smey from Cambodia. He is a Buddhist too. Regretfully i was too sick to talk to him. I could not understand him anyways.

Oh ya, before forgetting, i also met a teacher from the Philipines. His name is June. June is sociable and friendly guy. Christian too though he hops from church to church. We talked about the education system there. Guess what . Their elite school students studies from 7am to 7pm every weekday. Count us Malaysians lucky. They even have Research as a subject.

During the night, we went to New World Park for dinner. Great food there but I overeaten so I threw up some of my stomach's contents. Ooops!

Penang, here I come

I'm off to Penang for a week.. Yay!

Return, please, return!

Every time I look at you, I don't know what to do
Living my life as if it only was for you
All I know is that your smile paint will my life colourful
Inside is a burning desire for you
Now yet all i want to do is to see you ever
Ever only leaning on the Lord eternally

Love God, my dear
Iluminate those around with His light
Never let the weeds of the world choke you
God wants to come in your life

Lean on the Lord
I only want to see

Fight this good fight of faith
Even though Idesire even more
Never turn away oh love
God's daughter, that's all I ask of you.

Of time and Friendship

Finally i'm done with my SEAMEO project. Welll, not actually done but finished the paper work. For the first time i get to visit teacher during CNY, too bad is too complete this project. But at least got ang pau and yummy home-made cheese cake. So teachers are really good in this baking thing.

If the past week i have been busy, the next 4 weeks till the quarterly hols i will still be the same. This Fri I'll be conducting in front of the CM for some scholarship function. Next week, i'll have my monthly test for 3 days. And the week after, i may have to be tested on oral (pair work with Abdul Rashid). The following week i'm off to Penang for the SEAMEO competition. Oh ya, did i mention that we'll also have to prepare the posters and presentation for SEAMEO? That'll eat a lot of time.

There's actually one more activity which i'm not sure whether its a blessing in disguise or not. You know, me being busy and lazy, i didn't do much to the class deco recently. So PM and BI teacher can only lament the "unconducisiveness" everytime they enter the class. Surprisingly today, PM teacher decided to take some action. Using the name of laporan sahsiah (the most dreaded report book in history), she ask that we form groups of 4 or 5. Our assignment is to adopt a corner of the class and by friday, transform that area into something presentable. Wow.. It is unexpected that she would be the one to mobilise the entire class to embark on something like that. I've no qualms. Just that i also have to get my hands in the mud. But i guess its ok, right?

Looking back the past one and a half month, i reflect upon my friendship report book that i keep mentally. Again there are some changes, with some growing closer and some further apart. One thing i discovered is that friendship, no matter how strong it was in the past, will corrode if not maintained. The key is not exactly distance. I'm so far from my cat friend and i still think we are close. Rather, the key is communication. No relationship can survive without communication. Of course my friendship pattern has changed over the years. 4 years ago, i'm lop-sided towards the guys. At least now, i got a balance number of good friends from both sexes. It's kinda good. I'm making more new friends and easier too. Praise God for the change. I thank God that my best friends are still rather close to me but there someone whom i really want to include in my inner circle but have failed miserably despite more than 16 months of "effort". "Effort" because i didn't try hard enough. Yet I wonder if that is the main reason. I guess, patience is the key huh? The inclusion of this friend will make my inner-circle complete.

Time is certainly running out for me. In all aspects (friendship, evangelism, SPM, assignments, etc..). Keep praying for me!

Love.
This topic was discussed on Thursday during English. Ha ha.. you guessed it.. it was ignited by none other that that class chatterbox.

It all started when he asked teacher, how does the emotional thing happen between a boy and girl? He was wondering, how can such a coincidence where one will like the own will exist. Amazing isn't it?

And teacher answered, "Boy plus girl equals love", only for him to add: "And then break-up." This is when the discussion began.

So teacher began asking around for our opinions. She was wondering if we are as pessimistic as Ryner. Do we all think there is no true love in this world?

I can't really remember what are the responses of the few that answered but i'll try my best to tell. For one, ernie answered that love is a waste of time. Bernard said there is no true love. Willie said no comment. But as the question goes around, i was so hopeful that it will eventually come to me because i have lot's to share. But to no avail.

Yet what will i answer? I guess this is what i'll say.

Love is confusion, and complication especially at the starting stages. You will have uncertainty of whether one likes the other. Even when you are really in a relationship, it is not gonna be any easier. But even as love is confusing and complicated, i must say that love is the most beautiful thing (besides God's love that is).

Well, these are based on my experience only. .. ha ha.. and i'm not exactly in typing mood now, hence the boring narration.. sorry bout that... well... let me hit the climax before ending.

My main criteria of a wife:

1. Must love God more than me ( i can't risk the wrath of God on her)
2. Must love my parents (or i'll be torn between the two)
3. Must know how to cook (of course la.. or we'll be hungry..)
4. Must have character (i don't mind if you're not beautiful or bad-tempered.. but if you don't have a heart, please don't look for me.. ha ha..)
5. Must be family-oriented (you know la.. family comes before work)
6. Must know how to talk and listen to introverts like me (i don't want my home to be a library but if you talk too much.. err.. let's say it ain"t good)

God is good.

It's been ages since i added anything.. was really busy man... but i try to make it a point now to update at least once a week for your sake, especially my faraway friend..

The year started off missing two of my best friends. One went to Taiwan, the other to some more modern place called Banting. I was a little not use to it. For the past week or so, my confidence level has suddenly dropped so low, and i was so under a pressure of nowhere. I mean, what is so pressuring about being a class monitor, or worship coordinator or even doing a maths project for SEAMEO. Of course i can't deny the fact that pressure exist but the build-up over the last week was unbearable, I could have broken down any time.

My cat friend that went to the "modern" place was my prayer partner, my only. Just in case you didn't know, prayer is what sustains me during times of stress. When I feel bad, a lot of times i will sms as many faithful friends as possible to ask for prayer support but the best kind of prayer partner that i like is the one who can prayer for me and with me, though sms is also ok.
Fortunately, God gave me one more person whom i can pour out my all. So last Friday, i just poured out everything inside me. My worries, pressure, feelings. I talked for about 5 minutes non-stop, saying everything. How often will people hear me do that? But i realised in order to break free, i have to ask for support from a friend. Praise the Lord for friends!
This week, my "taiwan" friend has returned, offering me more hope and especially that i have more prayer warriors as my backbone. I also feel much more confident and relaxed now after my period of pouring out to my friends and God (during Saturday). Thank God for friends and fellowship with Him.
After those set-backs i made a point to be more joyful and confident. Oh ya, did i mention an incident? Nah... listen up then.. miraculously, on Friday night during my guitar lesson, my teacher who rarely speaks life issues talked about handling tough times and stressed. He talked about always thinking of big problems as small problems which i find so true now because with God, there is no big problems. Of course, he also talked about watching funny movies on You-tube to relieve stress but that is irrelevant here.
So I will do my best by God's grace upon me to not only be a shining light, but also to be a joyful light, not too dim and not too bright. As a frind says his pastor puts it, who would want to come to Jesus if all they see if some forlorn and depressed figure who claims he wants to righteous all the time? He's got a point. Righteousness is important but without joy that ain't Christianity. Joy that comes from God, love that is inspired by Him and righteousness that comes from faith is what makes Jesus the true way. Anything superficial must go.
I guess thatz all for now. By the way, i'm getting sick. So are people around me. Pray for us! Bye!

A new year, a new day, a new beginning as some may say. But really what's so new? Come to think of it, it's just "tomorrow, tommorow and tomorrow". I think I'll just get to the point.

This year, a lot of opportunities seemed to come my way even before the year began. To start it, I already have a science project on my hands, plus i'm P&W Coordinator now and most probably class monitor. Only God knows what other doors will He open or close. But opportunities make me afraid. In the Bible, sometimes opportunities aren't there as a blessing, rather it's temptation in it's sweetest form. Think of David when he could have killed Saul and stuff like that. I'm afraid that I can't handle praise that comes from success and fall like Saul did. I'm afraid I let pride and selfishness rule me. I'm afraid.. really am.. yes i can control my actions but somehow my emotions are out of reach.. it's strange but sometimes i feel arrogant although i do not want to be... Please pray for me that success will not mean glory to me but to God, that pride will not be my ultimate downfall. I end with my theme song this year.



In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I’ve been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I’ll overcome
Oh, I could stop and count successes like diamonds in my hands
But those trophies could not equal to the grace by which I stand

Chorus:
In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope

Is Christ alone

In Christ alone do I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
For only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
And now I seek no greater honor in just to know Him more
And to count my gains but losses to the glory of my Lord



Happy new year!