My First Loss

He died.
I can't believe my eyes when I read that he died.
Could I have done more? Could I have made a difference if I tried harder? The fact that I felt I could made his death even harder.

It was that Saturday night in church. He seemed different. He wasn't his jolly and funny self. If anything, he was strange and weird. In fact, he looked as if he has been demon-possessed. Usually he speaks chinese although sometimes he spoke in English as it was after all an English Youth. But this time he spoke all English and with a British accent. A strange one. My first glimpse of him that night, he was jumping on the Bible and tearing it into pieces. I was shocked. I thought he was fooling around although that was over the line.

I proceeded with my routine work in church. I thought he was bored and was just passing his time but he was acting so weird, he was kinda frightening us. At one time he gave me something to eat, saying something like this is the last time I can eat with him because he was going somewhere. I thought he finally is going to further his studies.

But he kept acting strangely so I decided to talk to him. I asked him to walked with me circling the church.
Yet, as I talked to him, it seemed like he wasn't even thinking straight. A lot of my questions went either diverted or unanswered. In fact when I asked about God he seemed a little insulting or at least that is what I can recall. I decided I'm not in a position to help him because he just wouldn't open up. So I continued on with my work especially after the advisors came.

Towards te end of MYF, I decided to give one last try. I wrote a note to him to encourage him, saying that i support him no matter what he is going through and that i will always be a friend and asked him to never insult God no matter what.

I last remembered him keeping the chairs calmly after reading my note.

That was 3 months ago.

Just today I got news he died. He died on 1 Jun. I still don't know what is the cause of death but deep inside I pray it is not because of suicide and that he died a Christian.

Life is brief isn't it? One moment you see me, the next I'm gone. But rejoice if I went to live with the Lord. But mourn if I don't. ("i" is a general term not referring to me). He is my first loss. Believe it or not, still now, the biggest death that I experienced personally was the death of a guinea pig.

The lesson here is, if you see someone suddenly acting strange or look really down, do not even hesistate to go near him/her a offer Christ's hand of love. Who knows, it may be your last chance to make a difference.