Form 6

With all friends starting to head off to our own separate ways, and all the feel-good factor of spm-ending starts to die down, reality starts to set in -- I'm in form 6.

For some, form 6 is like a new 4-letter word with a number, for others they just had no choice. For me, it may start to seem like it also. But everyday, i'm just reminded of the reason why i am here and it isn't got anything to do with not getting JPA. And i'm reminded of the very words i so wanted to tell a certain college agent who said that i should go A-levels because form 6 students aren't usually motivated: that motivation comes from within and not without.

Many wonder why i'm here. Many gave me a "you don't deserve" this body language whenever i say i'm in form 6. Sometimes this discourages me, to be honest. Straight A student in form 6? Why not? It's not like i'm doing something illegal right? STPM takes me to local and overseas too. Is it just mere perception or truth that something is wrong with students in form 6.

Form 6 wasn't my last choice. Probably it was my escape route, to buy me 1 and a half years more to think and decide on what i want to do. Yes, i'm staying not because nobody wants me but because i don't know who i want yet. Would it be psychology, counseling, theology or teaching? Medicine or human resource management? Then people would go:"Straight A student study all that?!" except for medicine.

Really blur now. Form 6 starting to get tough and my homework are lagging behind schedule. I hope it ends soon. But not because it's bad. But because i can't wait to grow up, can't wait to be an independent adult, can't wait to get down to work. But for now, it's still loooooonnnnggggg... Come to think of it, if 14 years of Jacob waiting for Rachel aint long, can 14 months be long? maybe.. haha..

I have decided.

No matter what skeptics say.

No matter how weird people think i am.

I'm going to make form 6 the best years in my life at school. I'm going to learn new skills, make new friends, help more people, impact more lives and get that dreaded 4.0 for STPM. I may not be growing physically anymore but this will be the time i'll grow as strong as i can as a man, as bright as i can as a Christian and live a life of an overcomer! This is my dream. I will not let my 1 half years be wasted on self-pitying or even just homework. Form 6! You are no match for me! (actually the God in me). Do pray for me.. i'll need all the inspiration and motivation i can get. For all friends who are studying already: we may be running a different race, on a different track, in a different field but may we all meet again. See you at the finish line!

The latest song i like

ALABASTER JAR
This alabaster jar
Is all I have of worth
I break it at Your feet Lord
It's less than You deserve
You're far more beautiful
More precious than the oil
The sum of my desires
And the fullness of my joy

Like You spilled Your blood
I spilled my heart
As an offering to my King

Here I am take me
As an offering
Here I am giving
Every heartbeat for Your glory
Take me, take me

This time that I have left
Is all I have of worth
I lay it at Your feet Lord
It's less than You deserve
And though I've lived astray
And though my days are few
You gave Your life for me
So I will live my life for You

Like you spilled your blood
I spilled my heart
As an offering to my King

Here I am take me
As an offering
Here I am giving
Every heartbeat for your glory
Take me

Worthy, worthy, You are worthy
Worthy is the Lord


*I don't feel comfortable with the part that says "I spill my heart". This phrase sounds quite overstating giving of your heart. Other than that, this song is meaningful.

Updates

I'm so blur now.. down with the flu and laziness bug.. Mountains of work awaits.. what else could happen? I nearly even forgot i have a blog. So far, i'm just managing to survive. Aiks! That's bad. Must get down back to work mode after refreshing vacations from KL and Sematan which probably made me so weak i'm down with horrible flu which nearly cause me to faint.

Just a few updates:

The KL trip was the my most enjoyable trip with the choir. I never felt so happy in spite of being scolded badly for a mistake i deserve. It was probably the only or at least one of the only trip where i felt i belonged to the team. In the past, team trips usually causes me to feel alone because i somehow couldn't mix with the others even with my best friends in there. While the rest are all play and sleeping late, I would be the only one in the quietest room (my own room) getting ready to sleep. I always feared that I would be labelled anti-social because i don't hang out with others to play cards or strip-UNO. Yet, strangely, its this "anti-social" habit of mine that enables me to get close to people feeling down or lonely too although chances are rare.

This trip is a trip where i can mingle with the others. Honestly i never expected that because this time all my best friends are not in the choir. I nearly thought i would be lonely again. How wrong i am. This trip turn out to be my happiest moments. Maybe it's because i prefer mingling with junior people where i don't feel so inferior. The seniors were very friendly too. I guess our personality clicked and i was given a sense of importance. Best of all, my room mate even slept earlier and woke up earlier than me! I was amazed. In the past, i needed to wake them up. I salute the guy.

This is my second Malaysian Choral Eistedfodd (formerly Young Singers Choral Festival). My first wasn't a pleasant experience. I was junior conductor at that time, leading a whole group of newbies. Being not so musically inclined, my conductor was anything but good. So imagine the fear, the rebukes and the i'm-not-up-to-expectations feeling. Worst is that just months before, the choir performed with the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra-- now this conductor came? How contrasting is this MCE. I can only praise the Lord for giving me this experience. To add cherry to the cream, choir got a silver diploma, betterring the result during the World Choir Games. (did i mention the presence of Phillipines in the competition greatly increases the value of my co-curricular marks.. yay!)

Conclusion: Love it!

The Sematan Palm beach Worship and Music Camp on 8th to 10th June was another eye opener. This time it in terms of worship . Dr Myrleene Yap was our speaker for the camp. She's a W&M lecturer at Singapore Bible College. It's the first time i learnt so much about worship. She added a whole new dimension to my understanding of worship. Another speaker was Alma. She seems to be able to prophecy. If Dr. Yap brought understanding, she brought power. Another choral workshop speaker was Miss Wong, my conducting teacher in form 2 during conducting course. She brought fun. Last but not least is Uncle Tracy, our very own music director. He brought a personal touch to the camp.

I jotted down many notes about what worship is and isn't but i remember vividly a few very clearly. One quote that i understood but this time strikes me most was

"Worship Brings Transformation"

Another note that struck me was the part where David wanted to buy a plot of land in order to build an altar to God and said this:

"I Will not Offer to God what costs me nothing"

These 2 quotes spoke volumes to me. I just pray that people can see that worship does bring transformation in me and that from now on, i'll never give God my left overs ever again. Amen!

My Garden of Paradise

The misty garden of morning dew

narrow the path narrow the view

looking for sunlight what do i find?

if only was easy to be able to dine

Lost in the woods, before two roads

Neither one seems distinct or true

No beauty in sight just sound of the toads

Blurry the greens where is my blue?

I entered to plants not by mistake

Won't regret cuz i'm sure its the place

Just cold is the dew beside the lake

How could i see the eve of God's grace?

Were  i led here without a clue?

Or did i choose to believe its true?

I won't depart just yet just because i'm blue

But i know the sun will rise and green will rule

God, i commit to you my garden paradise

Though i see not the clear, i will not fear

I know we will be safe in your arms

Because your love shines to us

Keep the enemy away from my garden.

As i wait for your bright true light. 

Amen.

Prism of light

Where the prism of light once lay,

It is now going to pass

One by one the sevens separate,

Only in abstract will it continue to last

It once shot out an array of light

Not just seven but many more

But a new dawn has descended real bright

Till only blue is left on this Kuching shore

Sure there's still one more to see

One light that still would shine with me

I just worrry how bright it'll be

How important is God's light to thee

The prism of light must separate now

But not to distance will the relationship bow

Off they go to far lands to multiply

My job is here, its mine to try

May the yellow not fade away

as the rest seems to fade to grey

And God's light bond the prism together

Years to come, to weather weather

Blur morning dew

In the midst of the mornin dew

Lay creatures, strangers 

Fogged and blur not able to see

Oh, the road i'm walking i see only few

In darkness, highness, youngsters

Walking and falling for no clear reason be

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