July is here! And it smells like it is going to be busy.
First stop: Sports day 3-4 July.
Hopes: Can get my much needed kk marks. Can do my best.
2nd stop: Study! study! study!
Hopes: God is warning me more than 10 times through at least 5 different ways to start studying. Jeremy! Wake Up AND STUDY!!!
3rd stop: Trial Exam 1
Hopes: This is not going to be as easy as the exam in the 1st semester and may have a bearing on my immediate future.. Target: 7a1, 3 A2.. Well, considering that my science subjects have never gotten A, this is a realistic target.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
My First Loss
He died.
I can't believe my eyes when I read that he died.
Could I have done more? Could I have made a difference if I tried harder? The fact that I felt I could made his death even harder.
It was that Saturday night in church. He seemed different. He wasn't his jolly and funny self. If anything, he was strange and weird. In fact, he looked as if he has been demon-possessed. Usually he speaks chinese although sometimes he spoke in English as it was after all an English Youth. But this time he spoke all English and with a British accent. A strange one. My first glimpse of him that night, he was jumping on the Bible and tearing it into pieces. I was shocked. I thought he was fooling around although that was over the line.
I proceeded with my routine work in church. I thought he was bored and was just passing his time but he was acting so weird, he was kinda frightening us. At one time he gave me something to eat, saying something like this is the last time I can eat with him because he was going somewhere. I thought he finally is going to further his studies.
But he kept acting strangely so I decided to talk to him. I asked him to walked with me circling the church.
Yet, as I talked to him, it seemed like he wasn't even thinking straight. A lot of my questions went either diverted or unanswered. In fact when I asked about God he seemed a little insulting or at least that is what I can recall. I decided I'm not in a position to help him because he just wouldn't open up. So I continued on with my work especially after the advisors came.
Towards te end of MYF, I decided to give one last try. I wrote a note to him to encourage him, saying that i support him no matter what he is going through and that i will always be a friend and asked him to never insult God no matter what.
I last remembered him keeping the chairs calmly after reading my note.
That was 3 months ago.
Just today I got news he died. He died on 1 Jun. I still don't know what is the cause of death but deep inside I pray it is not because of suicide and that he died a Christian.
Life is brief isn't it? One moment you see me, the next I'm gone. But rejoice if I went to live with the Lord. But mourn if I don't. ("i" is a general term not referring to me). He is my first loss. Believe it or not, still now, the biggest death that I experienced personally was the death of a guinea pig.
The lesson here is, if you see someone suddenly acting strange or look really down, do not even hesistate to go near him/her a offer Christ's hand of love. Who knows, it may be your last chance to make a difference.
I can't believe my eyes when I read that he died.
Could I have done more? Could I have made a difference if I tried harder? The fact that I felt I could made his death even harder.
It was that Saturday night in church. He seemed different. He wasn't his jolly and funny self. If anything, he was strange and weird. In fact, he looked as if he has been demon-possessed. Usually he speaks chinese although sometimes he spoke in English as it was after all an English Youth. But this time he spoke all English and with a British accent. A strange one. My first glimpse of him that night, he was jumping on the Bible and tearing it into pieces. I was shocked. I thought he was fooling around although that was over the line.
I proceeded with my routine work in church. I thought he was bored and was just passing his time but he was acting so weird, he was kinda frightening us. At one time he gave me something to eat, saying something like this is the last time I can eat with him because he was going somewhere. I thought he finally is going to further his studies.
But he kept acting strangely so I decided to talk to him. I asked him to walked with me circling the church.
Yet, as I talked to him, it seemed like he wasn't even thinking straight. A lot of my questions went either diverted or unanswered. In fact when I asked about God he seemed a little insulting or at least that is what I can recall. I decided I'm not in a position to help him because he just wouldn't open up. So I continued on with my work especially after the advisors came.
Towards te end of MYF, I decided to give one last try. I wrote a note to him to encourage him, saying that i support him no matter what he is going through and that i will always be a friend and asked him to never insult God no matter what.
I last remembered him keeping the chairs calmly after reading my note.
That was 3 months ago.
Just today I got news he died. He died on 1 Jun. I still don't know what is the cause of death but deep inside I pray it is not because of suicide and that he died a Christian.
Life is brief isn't it? One moment you see me, the next I'm gone. But rejoice if I went to live with the Lord. But mourn if I don't. ("i" is a general term not referring to me). He is my first loss. Believe it or not, still now, the biggest death that I experienced personally was the death of a guinea pig.
The lesson here is, if you see someone suddenly acting strange or look really down, do not even hesistate to go near him/her a offer Christ's hand of love. Who knows, it may be your last chance to make a difference.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
The Mostest Bestest and Mostest Busiest Birthday
I woke up this morning feeling a little nervous. Will I be conducting today? Just the thought of conducting and leading the choir for the last time put a lot of pressure on me. I guess I'm so the very easily pressured.
Well, fortunately Wee Cheng is willing to help me conduct this time. I was relieved although a little pai sei because didn't let him conduct because i can't but because i was actually running away from responsibility. So bad ho?
Well, just in case you do not know, today is my birthday. Yup, and I instructed those who might remember my birthday to keep it hush for today's Teachers' Day. I certainly didn't want the whole world to know its my birthday. However something fishy happened.
Well, you see. At first the choir was no singing very well. And we practised and practised before our performance. After awhile, I called for a break. I remember telling Ralph that as a leader I had to make a decision between letting them watch the performance or to continue to practise. I chose the latter and told him since its my last day, it'll be alright for me to be the bad guy for this once.
When I came back, suddenly everyone looked at me. I thought it was just my "handsomeness" as I always like to say(but come to think of it.. it feels so wrong... so unlike me) . Then Aaron just stood up and said they liked to sing another round. I was surprised at this and felt encouraged that they want to do better. So I gladly went up to sing togther with them. But then Aaron said that he wanted me in front of the choir. He said he wanted my comments. Fishy, but I didn't smell it coming. When they started singing, I felt something amiss. They sang a little weirdly good... I mean not perfect but much better. I felt my senses kicking in that something is hapenning but I just don't know what. So I just let them sing tll the end.
*Finishing chord from the pianist*
*A take of a breath*
"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday.....
By this time, I was taking the table cloth and hiding my head under it. O my goodness! Where did that come from? I thought I told the people not to tell. Ha ha.. I admit it ws a pleasant surprise. Just so simple, so shocking. I had to had time to regroup myself. If I had been more expressive, I probably would have cried. It was really special from them.
I thought, it was going to be another lonely birthday with every who unintentionally found out my birthday saying "Oh it's your birthday? I forgot.. sorry... happy birthday".. and all the other excuses ... ha ha.. sorry for that but I treat birthdays quite important.
I had even more surprise. Ernest remembered my birthday and even got me a special card that sings the birthday song (maybe to make up for him not singing it.. ha ha). Of course my other friends got me nice gifts too and they were very special indeed. But I guess what will make me the most happy is that the special one never forgotten my birthday. she gave something a little weird and never explained if there is any intricate meaning but nevertheless, I love it to the brim (still don't know what is it supposed to b though ...ha ha ha.. don't tell her... ha ha..). I'm sure she really meant it when she gave it. Too bad I can't spend time with her.
Well, I guess that is all for now. Thank you Lord, for this wonderful birthday. Too bad it's my last year with my friends already. Hopefully, we'll meet again someday and celebrate each other's birthday. Hopefully one of those day's will be in heaven. Amen.
Well, fortunately Wee Cheng is willing to help me conduct this time. I was relieved although a little pai sei because didn't let him conduct because i can't but because i was actually running away from responsibility. So bad ho?
Well, just in case you do not know, today is my birthday. Yup, and I instructed those who might remember my birthday to keep it hush for today's Teachers' Day. I certainly didn't want the whole world to know its my birthday. However something fishy happened.
Well, you see. At first the choir was no singing very well. And we practised and practised before our performance. After awhile, I called for a break. I remember telling Ralph that as a leader I had to make a decision between letting them watch the performance or to continue to practise. I chose the latter and told him since its my last day, it'll be alright for me to be the bad guy for this once.
When I came back, suddenly everyone looked at me. I thought it was just my "handsomeness" as I always like to say(but come to think of it.. it feels so wrong... so unlike me) . Then Aaron just stood up and said they liked to sing another round. I was surprised at this and felt encouraged that they want to do better. So I gladly went up to sing togther with them. But then Aaron said that he wanted me in front of the choir. He said he wanted my comments. Fishy, but I didn't smell it coming. When they started singing, I felt something amiss. They sang a little weirdly good... I mean not perfect but much better. I felt my senses kicking in that something is hapenning but I just don't know what. So I just let them sing tll the end.
*Finishing chord from the pianist*
*A take of a breath*
"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday.....
By this time, I was taking the table cloth and hiding my head under it. O my goodness! Where did that come from? I thought I told the people not to tell. Ha ha.. I admit it ws a pleasant surprise. Just so simple, so shocking. I had to had time to regroup myself. If I had been more expressive, I probably would have cried. It was really special from them.
I thought, it was going to be another lonely birthday with every who unintentionally found out my birthday saying "Oh it's your birthday? I forgot.. sorry... happy birthday".. and all the other excuses ... ha ha.. sorry for that but I treat birthdays quite important.
I had even more surprise. Ernest remembered my birthday and even got me a special card that sings the birthday song (maybe to make up for him not singing it.. ha ha). Of course my other friends got me nice gifts too and they were very special indeed. But I guess what will make me the most happy is that the special one never forgotten my birthday. she gave something a little weird and never explained if there is any intricate meaning but nevertheless, I love it to the brim (still don't know what is it supposed to b though ...ha ha ha.. don't tell her... ha ha..). I'm sure she really meant it when she gave it. Too bad I can't spend time with her.
Well, I guess that is all for now. Thank you Lord, for this wonderful birthday. Too bad it's my last year with my friends already. Hopefully, we'll meet again someday and celebrate each other's birthday. Hopefully one of those day's will be in heaven. Amen.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Piano exam, faith and encouragement
Piano exam!! Today!!! Although I admit I have not perfected anything yet, I'm pretty much prepared. In fact, this is the first time i practiced so hard. In the past, I barely could memorise anything. Now, I can memorise almost half of each of my songs.
Just a week ago i was ultra low on confidence. No thanks to my imperfections in playing the piano plus aural and scales, my traditional stronghold. I was wanting to pour out my feelings to someone but i guess people don't see how bad it can be. Even the special one did not.
So I thought this was it. I tried my best anyways, sadly. Till...
It was this Monday. Ryner surprisingly just jumped at me started a new "philosophy"-well, based on the Bible. He calls it the "Confession of The Word". It works practically like this: Everyday he would go to someone and speak truth and encouragement into someone's life. This is not to make them feel better or anything. In fact it is to fill them with the truth that they will dwell on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, anythig that is praiseworthy or excellent and let the truth set them free.
So he was coming to me and going all how God will guide me in my piano exam and that many times even in prayer we focus on the problems instead of the power of God. We pray: Dear Lord, perfect my scales, aural, pieces, ... bla bla bla... In Jesus name, Amen. So what are we thinking of? Our problems. But when we turn our eyes on Jesus, to focus on His greatness and take our eyes of our problems, that is when we can say in faith that we can do it. How true.
One logic he gives is this: If I say the word "Orange", the first thing that comes to your mind is surely orange and not apple, right?. Therefore, if we keep saying we are not good, we will strive to be good?
He inspired me. I went on that night to perform my best pieces in one year. But last night i flunked again due to tiredness. bUt I believe today will be different. Not because i'm less tired but because the hand of God is with me.I believe that. I admit, i'm fearful of what if my hopes is placed in the wrong position? I will fall greatly just like in choir. But I guess this is what faith is all about. It is about committing all our worries and our fears to one Awesome God. The higher risk, the greater the faith, the more God will be glorified.
Just a week ago i was ultra low on confidence. No thanks to my imperfections in playing the piano plus aural and scales, my traditional stronghold. I was wanting to pour out my feelings to someone but i guess people don't see how bad it can be. Even the special one did not.
So I thought this was it. I tried my best anyways, sadly. Till...
It was this Monday. Ryner surprisingly just jumped at me started a new "philosophy"-well, based on the Bible. He calls it the "Confession of The Word". It works practically like this: Everyday he would go to someone and speak truth and encouragement into someone's life. This is not to make them feel better or anything. In fact it is to fill them with the truth that they will dwell on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, anythig that is praiseworthy or excellent and let the truth set them free.
So he was coming to me and going all how God will guide me in my piano exam and that many times even in prayer we focus on the problems instead of the power of God. We pray: Dear Lord, perfect my scales, aural, pieces, ... bla bla bla... In Jesus name, Amen. So what are we thinking of? Our problems. But when we turn our eyes on Jesus, to focus on His greatness and take our eyes of our problems, that is when we can say in faith that we can do it. How true.
One logic he gives is this: If I say the word "Orange", the first thing that comes to your mind is surely orange and not apple, right?. Therefore, if we keep saying we are not good, we will strive to be good?
He inspired me. I went on that night to perform my best pieces in one year. But last night i flunked again due to tiredness. bUt I believe today will be different. Not because i'm less tired but because the hand of God is with me.I believe that. I admit, i'm fearful of what if my hopes is placed in the wrong position? I will fall greatly just like in choir. But I guess this is what faith is all about. It is about committing all our worries and our fears to one Awesome God. The higher risk, the greater the faith, the more God will be glorified.
Monday, June 9, 2008
THE MESSAGE
EVEN AS I MADE THOSE FOOD
LEAVING A LOVE AND A MESSAGE IN
ANOTHER SALAD ANOTHER SUSHI
I ASK MYSELF WHAT AM I DOING ACTUALLY?
NEVER HAD I SACRIFICED AS SUCH
EVER HAD I KNOWN A LIFE SO MUCH
IMMANUEL SHINE IN, SHINE THROUGH ME
DEEDS ARE NOTHING
IF FROM A SELFISH HEART
DEEDS ARE NOTHING
IMMANUEL SHINE IN, SHINE THROUGH ME
TO BLESS YOUR PEOPLE
FOREVER I AM SAVED
ONLY BY GOD'S GRACE
REVEAL YOUR WILL O' LORD
YES LORD I AM HERE
ONLY AT YOUR SERVICE
UNDER YOUR LOVING CARE
ANOINT ME WITH YOUR WORD
MEET ME IN MY PRAYER
EVER JUST LET ME KNOW
NEEDS, FUTURE MY LIFE LOVE YOU WILL SOW
LEAVING A LOVE AND A MESSAGE IN
ANOTHER SALAD ANOTHER SUSHI
I ASK MYSELF WHAT AM I DOING ACTUALLY?
NEVER HAD I SACRIFICED AS SUCH
EVER HAD I KNOWN A LIFE SO MUCH
IMMANUEL SHINE IN, SHINE THROUGH ME
DEEDS ARE NOTHING
IF FROM A SELFISH HEART
DEEDS ARE NOTHING
IMMANUEL SHINE IN, SHINE THROUGH ME
TO BLESS YOUR PEOPLE
FOREVER I AM SAVED
ONLY BY GOD'S GRACE
REVEAL YOUR WILL O' LORD
YES LORD I AM HERE
ONLY AT YOUR SERVICE
UNDER YOUR LOVING CARE
ANOINT ME WITH YOUR WORD
MEET ME IN MY PRAYER
EVER JUST LET ME KNOW
NEEDS, FUTURE MY LIFE LOVE YOU WILL SOW
Friday, May 23, 2008
Of thanksgiving, petition and lessons.
School holidays!!! No!!!
.. ha ha.. anyways... it's school hols again.. exams are over... again..
There are several good news coming during the hols. First of all, sam is coming back! (not that I'm that happy.. lol.. just joking).. Next, its the hols again (which means I'll prob switch to lazy mode again esp without choir). Then, its going to be my favourite month of the year- June (you better tell me you know why!)! Of course let's not forget it is going to be a time of resting, rejuvenating, revision and restructuring.
Ok, before I enter into my holidays, I have to publicly count my blessings for the Lord has done in my life over the past 3 weeks:
- Thank you Jesus for guiding my conducting on May 20th (State-level Teacher's Day Celebration)
- Thank you God for giving me a good brain.
- Thank you for guiding me in my relationships with others and enriching them
- Thank you for keeping me and her healthy
- Thank you for always being there for me when I needed you.
But forgive me for:
- Losing my focus on you even in church
- Not being serious in my exam
- Not loving others as I should (esp those whom people stay away from)
- Unintentionally always seeking glory for myself and not you
Well, God has taught me a lot during these 3 weeks too. One lesson is that I should never guess a person's intentions or thinking. It is always best to go directly to him or her and ask, lest we misunderstand. I nearly threw away 2 friendships because I thought I was not important to him/her. Another lesson is that I must strive in order to succeed. I guess God has tried to tell me this ages ago but I never could accept the fact that success does not come without hard work. Another lesson is, it is always good to encourage others. Although sometimes some people are not actually sad but just look sad, its no harm done to go and encourage them. Even if its a false alarm, its still nice to know someonew cares.
Latest favorite song
Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.
Bridge:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.
Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.
Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am yours.
I am yours.
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